Rule #9 Always mix business with pleasure

I met the Canadian at a birthday party in December of 2007. I had been living in Japan for 2 months and during this time, the Australian and I were barely just friends. Unbeknownst to me, I was about to begin my path to becoming an international playgirl that very night. Anyways, I planned on going to the birthday dinner to hang out with new friends and make new ones.

The Canadian came to the dinner with a friend. Maybe it was his nice suit. Maybe it was his dark features and blue green eyes. Maybe the lack of decent looking men was lowering my standards. Either way, I noticed his attractiveness. He sat by me at the end of the table and we hit it off. Later I would realize that I was either too distracted by his good looks or too drunk and I failed to notice his complete lack of personality.

At the end of dinner, we exchanged numbers and he went home. I proceeded to go to an all-you-can-drink karaoke room until the wee hours of the morning. Yes, hopefully you've noticed by now, I am a fan of anything that encourages debauchery.

The following 2 months I stayed in contact with him.
After the Aussie left, the Canadian and I began a courtship...It was...how shall I say... oh yeah, fucking retarded. There was obvious mutual attraction, but there were 2 problems. First, he was too shy which made me impatient and frustated, and second of all he had no personality. Seriously. It was very disappointing for my 22 year old self. I so wanted to date an awesome attractive 30 year old that I could brag home about. But the facts were I was funnier, cooler, and awesomener than him.

However, he actually was a nice guy with no ill intentions and he was attractive, so I didnt want to end it immediately. The midwesterner in me forged on. We went out for his 30th birthday and a few other dinner dates. One night I invited him to a dance club, he got wasted and told me how attracted he was to me. So I did the obvious thing and let him grope me in public. We went back to his apartment and I found out that he was leading a double life. Boring and plain during the day and a raunchy sex freak during the night. Not only was he very well endowed (so well in fact, that I admit, I was frightened) he was also an avid fan of dirty talk. (The dirty talk, I would later find out, provided hours of entertainment for me and my close friends. Who would've guessed, the guy actually could make me laugh.) The next morning my 22 year old mind was confused. No personality but amazing sex?? I weighed the lack of personality with the huge penis. I decided I was 22 and a hot commodity. I dropped him like I had dropped my underwear the night before.

A month later I moved to a new apartment and I really wanted to have sex. I tricked him on accident into coming over one night. We had amazing sex against my window. In my head I knew it would be the last time, so I made it count. I never called him again and I think he gave up. He left Japan and went back to Canada. Some months later he returned to Japan and last I heard he had a job and a japanese girlfriend.

2 years later, one unassuming Tuesday morning a few months before I left Japan, I showed up to work feeling extra good about myself. Being the head teacher of the oldest class, I had a slight air of authority about me. I sauntered downstairs to tell my assistant, Tom, something about the day. I found him in the classroom of another teacher. I noticed my co-worker was talking to a strange male--a substitute teacher for the day. My school often has new teachers coming in, so this didn't affect me in the least bit. I proceeded to inform Tom of that day's schedule, when in the middle of my speech, the substitute turned around and in horror I realized it was the canadian! I immediately turned bright red and awkwardly said in an unnaturally high voice "oh. canadian. um hi!." I turned back to Tom who was giving me an odd look and as quickly as I could, stumbled over the rest of my instructions to him before speeding towards the door. Once out of the room, I sprinted upstairs and started hyperventilating. I ran into a fellow teacher's classroom, panickly shut the door behind me, and started sweating. She looked up, saw my face and said "What is wrong??" I told her that there was a Canadian downstairs with a huge penis and that I had slept with him. She burst into laughter. "Oh yes, this will be very fun for me". she said, "and I thought today would be boring". "What??" I screeched, "you have to help me! I'm staying in my room for the rest of the day. I cant come out." "Good luck, " she chuckled. "uggggggh" i grunted out loud.

I stormed out. Back in my classroom, I tried to regain composure. Just as my face started to resume back to its normal pale color, Tom walked in. "You had sex with that guy downstairs, didnt you?" he asked me accusingly. "Whaaat? is it that obvious??? i cried. "For you? Yes." he said. "Shit", I said out loud.Too quickly, the kids began pouring into the classroom, so I had to pretend everything was normal. Oh good morning japanese children, I said as they came in. I'm just your wholesome all-american woman teacher here. Not a whore who's been sleeping around with every foreign man devil in a 100 mile radius. Nothing to worry about.

Luckily, I avoided him all morning, but then came lunchtime. During my lunchbreak, he came into the teacher's break room (obviously god decided not to answer my prayers that morning.) When I saw him open the door, I had to hold in some nervous diarrhea that had been brewing in my stomach since that morning. I have a very sensitive stomach and whenever I feel the slightest bit of nerves, boom! I have diarrhea. So,there I was with my two coworkers, the Canadian, and my clenched buttocks. Sure he was wearing pants, but he and I both knew what he had going on underneath them. "Hi, canadian!, I said trying to be as normal and chatty as possible. "Oh my god. I cant believe you're working here, how random is that. I didn't even know you were back in Japan. How are you?"

Apparently, not only was my stomach experiencing diarrhea, but my mouth was experiencing it as well. "Wait." my indian coworker said stopping me. "you guys know each other?" Secretly I wanted to shove her nann and curry in her face, but instead I smiled and said, " oh yeah, we are friends from way back." I then proceeded to force the rest of my lunch down my throat and tried my best at normal small talk, which surprisingly, I actually did very well. I left lunch feeling proud. "I am so mature", I congrulated myself. i finished the rest of the day like nothing at all had happened. So I slept with that guy, big deal! We're both adults. Especially me. I'm an adult. Well done.

Later in the day, about an hour before work was over, I went downstairs with Tom to get some supplies. I almost passed out when I saw who walked through the door: My co-worker's brother. the Dutch Kiwi, who I had also made out with a few months before.

2 hookups in one day showing up at my work??!!! On a Tueday?!!! I turned white and sank to the floor. "What are you doing?" yelled Tom. "shhhhh shut up!" I said in an angry whisper. At this point he saw who was at the door and had fallen over laughing at my misfortune. "It's probably a good thing you're leaving Japan soon", he said in between laughs. "There aren't any men left." "Seriously", I replied still mortified.

Rule #9 always mix business with pleasure