3 drunk outgoing pretty blonde girls in Asia equals trouble.
if those 3 blondes happen to be myself, my roommate and our mutual friend, THAT equals borderline anarchy.
Let me explain...When me and my roommate get drunk together and go out alone, we tend to act like.......frat boys. Yep, that's probably the best way to describe it. drunk, obnoxious, sex-crazed frat boys. We prey on Asian men. And we can because we're pretty and blonde and nobody dare contradict what we're doing. It may sound narcissistic, but the amount of pretty foreign women in Japan who aren't hookers or hostesses is rare. Add cool and outgoing to that list, and I think it adds up to less than a bakers muffin.. i mean dozen... Trust me, its true.
Back to being sexual predators in Asia. My roommate, lets call her Tory is an enabler. She often instigates these situations, however, she has a boyfriend. And she is faithful. So even though she helps me lure men ,and often does my sexual bidding at parties and gatherings, it is I, and I alone, who must delve deeper into the carnal exploits.
Now that you know a little about our weekends, I'll go back to the particular weekend I'm addressing in this story. It was a Saturday night in April of 2008. And this time one of Tory's co-workers, lets call her Jade, joined us. Jade is a funny creature from New Zealand. She's funny because she's actually not funny at all. On the contrary, she's really quite annoying. Jade is one of those people who refers everything back to herself. A person could be telling a story about anything, anywhere and Jade always has to one up them. Her experience is always better, cooler or something equally as irritating. Needless to say I don't like Jade....soberly that is. Get her drunk and she's actually quite fun. So that night when Tory told me Jade was coming over, I got out the bottle of vodka and started pouring...and I didn't stop. Finally, after the 3 of us had inhaled enough vodka for an entire Russian wedding, we decided it was time to go out.
On Saturday nights, it can be rather amusing to walk the streets of Osaka intoxicated. The Japanese people are usually drunk too and therefore are outgoing and willing to interact with foreigners. As you can imagine, this can be quite a fun game for drunk girls. That night was one of the first warm nights of spring and I think it was giving us extra ballsiness and making us even more obnoxious than usual. The catcalls were flying that night. Not to us, but from us. Of course we started out using our timeless old favorites. Some English, (Hello, how are you)some japanese ("wow! handsome! cute! rich man? ) It excited the 3 of us that night so much, that we gained even more confidence and in addition to cat calling, we began stopping men in the streets and forced them to engage in conversation with us. And this is how we would do it. First, we would spot a man, yell "handsome!" in japanese, to get his attention, then block him in and force him to talk to us for a few minutes. After he satisfied our amusement, we would then giggle ridiculously to ourselves and walk away. Which began a vicious cycle of drawing more and more attention to ourselves. It was like a drug, we couldn't get enough. (I never said being an international playgirl had to be classy lady game.) Basically, we thought we were awesome.
"We're unstoppable!" Tory slurred as I tripped over my own heels and Jade drunkly upped her own self. As we got closer to our destination, our brazenness really began to accelerate out of control. As we stumbled down the narrow side street to one of our favorite bars, we saw him. Ryota. A handsome, naive, Japanese man simply riding his bicycle on a warm Saturday night. We spotted him about 30 feet away. "Handsome" Tory yelled like a huntress. Then she pointed. Me and Jade looked. "Handsome!!", we excitedly yelled in agreement. Then we rushed him.
Even if he wanted to, this poor man could not have gotten away. We were drunk women on a mission. We stopped him in his path, and began to drag him off his bicycle. We actually were physically pulling him off his bike. Looking back on it now, I don't know how the three of us collectively could decide that this was a good idea. I know we were drunk, but my god. And it wasn't even as if we were telling each other to do this, it was just instinctual for all three of us. Not one of us questioned what we were doing. It was as though our drunk minds were synched and we were working as a some type of amazonian woman unit that hunted men.
At the time, it was the best idea we've ever had. We were literally picking up men. looking pretty? witty jokes? intelligent banter? sexy dancing? smoldering eyes? forget it all women. just physically force men to be with you. that's what my life had come to. Where was he going? We didn't know or care. It was decided, he was coming with us. and let's be honest, by us I mean me. this napping could only have one outcome. Tory had a boyfriend and Jade was annoying...so one outcome it did indeed have.
After we dragged Ryota off his bicycle, we commanded him to park his bike at the first availabe spot so he could come with us. Then the three of us grabbed him and took him to our bar. Once at the bar I blacked out, and apparently started making out with him. Then we went to a love hotel. The next morning Tory sent me a text that said "dude, we kidnapped a man last night...where are you?"
I dated Ryota for 3 months. When people asked me where I met my boyfriend, I replied without shame, "I kidnapped him."
Rule #5 If You can't get a boyfriend, just kidnap one.
